yesterday's pinnacle race, 3rd place! wow. i think it's like... how long since i touched a medal?! omg.
it's a great achievement for me? because it's the first time i'm racing, and in this kind of adventure race too. in the race, really pushed damn hard. ran with TaiLim, and we really motivated to get a medal luh. it's really cool and great to aim high, and when you get it, it's damn fun.
i remember at the start, i really felt like giving up. but seeing T running so hard, i felt the motivation to carry on and bit my lips to push harder. we passed many, and were 2nd at the start.
the 3rd and 4th team caught up, and we were 4th. i really felt angry and discouraged. T even said if we cannot catch up to them, we shave botak uh! but by a twist of fate, we caught up with the 3rd while crawling under the bridge.
when we reach the bridge, 3rd was right in front of us. i just felt that surge of energy to surpass them, and literally leaping in front of them and by the time we got out of the bridge, we surpassed the 3rd team and put ourselves in 3rd place. it became a source of motivation for both of us.
continued running, until the bicycle station. with me always saying to run until the check point, we can rest a bit, we always ran when there's energy beaming.
the entire race, we couldn't really find the 2nd place anymore, they were always 6 minutes away from us. damn tiring, but really cool to have a partner to run, sharing the hardships down to even water, i'd say it's a feeling one should always remember.
in life, you'd probably never feel this same exact feeling again, because everybody change, so we should cherish.
we kept running, passed many other teams from other categories, and ran and ran and ran. so many helpers we passed by, so many players we ran through. it's great knowing we are better.
until school, our motivation never died. the "M" was a killer. it isn't as simple, and even if you seen it in a glance, you'd probably forget the arrangement.
the ascending and abseiling was cool, and swim too. then ran all the way to our ending point. 2hrs, 18mins.
my first medal in so many years. i think it's really cool.
after race, went home and met the rest for movie at Lido. Transformers 2
the movie is cool, but storyline is probably the main demerit luh. to me, i'd rate it 3/5 bah. ask me why it's so low, just simply because a movie is WOWed for it's graphics, i think the storyline is more important. remember how Titanic and Catch Me If You Can movies have not much fantastic graphics? they both got 5/5. most of the many movies like GodFather also had high ratings, and they were rated because of their captivating storyline.
Transformers' storyline is simply predicatable bah. =) so 3/5 star.
last night's HTHT was really and exposure session. mainly because of me, the awkward scenes and all. sorry J, but i felt that was the right thing to do. and perhaps what ZY said is right, i am truly selfish. it's a fact that i can change, and i should. it is always what kept me surviving for so long. or perhaps it's really just another side of me that surfaced?
"when asked a question, i'd always divert and twist." why? is it because of my defensive nature? am i truly just afraid of showing my true nature and thus surpressing it? or am i just another guy who doesn't want the whole world to know everything?
sometimes my inner self scares me. sometimes i know things before it even happen. sometimes unconciously i say things i don't know and it's true and right. hurhur.
shoot me.
REGINA, MING MING, DENISE, YING, SIEW YUNG, KINLU, I LOVE ALL OF YOU MAN!
okay that was total randomness. =)
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sugar Rush
They say sugar is brain food, i beg to similar! lols.
yesterday went for the race briefing, kinda interesting luh. but during the briefing, suddenly i felt like i can run for miles without stopping, and the charge is within me. at that moment, i really felt like i can outrun everybody there.
let's hope i get that motivation again tomorrow bah! TAI LIM! LETS GO! =D
after briefing, went to sentosa to meet up with some of my META Campers. they organised an overnight stay at sentosa to have fun and all luh.
there were people like WeeXin, Jasmine, Sherwayne, Hakim, Shaun.. Michael and Mathew went off before i reached.. hahas! =P
throughout the whole night, we played, chatted, all heart-to-heart-stuffs luh.. hahas. really pleasant! i wish there were more outings like that.. where a small group of people would just sit down and talk..
i realized something. it doesn't matter the size of the group, but for heart-to-heart-talks, there has to be people who are willing to share, and also people who wouldn't cause distractions.. the things you hear, really interesting.. you just feel connected after.. =)
sessions like these seem to crease.. at least for me.. and people changed.. a tad sad luh, but nonetheless, i hope to keep those already close, close.. and those who could be close, closer..
stupid.
tomorrow pinnacle! this week i think i had the most weird and hectic one. so many tonnings! tomorrow is just pinnacle! and now i'm having a major headache! stupid stupid migraine.. =.=
wish i can like truly find out what you are thinking! gosh.
yesterday went for the race briefing, kinda interesting luh. but during the briefing, suddenly i felt like i can run for miles without stopping, and the charge is within me. at that moment, i really felt like i can outrun everybody there.
let's hope i get that motivation again tomorrow bah! TAI LIM! LETS GO! =D
after briefing, went to sentosa to meet up with some of my META Campers. they organised an overnight stay at sentosa to have fun and all luh.
there were people like WeeXin, Jasmine, Sherwayne, Hakim, Shaun.. Michael and Mathew went off before i reached.. hahas! =P
throughout the whole night, we played, chatted, all heart-to-heart-stuffs luh.. hahas. really pleasant! i wish there were more outings like that.. where a small group of people would just sit down and talk..
i realized something. it doesn't matter the size of the group, but for heart-to-heart-talks, there has to be people who are willing to share, and also people who wouldn't cause distractions.. the things you hear, really interesting.. you just feel connected after.. =)
sessions like these seem to crease.. at least for me.. and people changed.. a tad sad luh, but nonetheless, i hope to keep those already close, close.. and those who could be close, closer..
stupid.
tomorrow pinnacle! this week i think i had the most weird and hectic one. so many tonnings! tomorrow is just pinnacle! and now i'm having a major headache! stupid stupid migraine.. =.=
wish i can like truly find out what you are thinking! gosh.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
undiscovered strength, unparallel will power, complicated mind, powerful senses
i think i'm thinking too much. why? because suddenly i can think of so many things in such short period of time even i'm afraid of myself. what if one day i discover something that i have to make a choice, and both choices are fleshes of my heart and i can only choose one?
i've been through that. i never ever want to come across any situation like that anymore!
anyways, recently a craze of song singing is quite the much interesting. everybody's singing to the same song, and i have no idea why. to that particular person, it might mean something. to the others, is it purely meaningful in an aspect of your life? or is it just so damn catchy you can't help but sing? or perhaps it's wonderfully composed music that everybody can link to someone? or perhaps it's just yet another one of your attention grabbing techniques?
i guess to those who reads, it's pretty much obvious what's i'm putting across.
once is good, twice is alright. grow up, songs and pictures are just anchors of memories, good or bad.
i have another one. when people emo, why do they listen to emo songs? is it because they can relate to that song? (which mostly probably would say YES!) or is it because you just simply want to amplify that mood you're currently having? (like the same as playing slow melodies to debrief sessions, or nice HTHT [heart-to-heart-talk, quoted from WenTing's blog!])
i think it's the growing up in a widely adverse and enriched media influences that changed or morph us into who we are. in drama series, when the character is sad or feeling lost or even heart broken, sad background music plays. even the environment changed into seemingly impossible in reality.
perhaps i'm just thinking too much luh.
either way, i suddenly had this concept of life. if you take a good look around you, you'll find hints and clues of life's philosophy. i shall not eleborate anymore le bah.
i think my blog songs are too meaningful! =) [at least most of them ;)]
i've been through that. i never ever want to come across any situation like that anymore!
anyways, recently a craze of song singing is quite the much interesting. everybody's singing to the same song, and i have no idea why. to that particular person, it might mean something. to the others, is it purely meaningful in an aspect of your life? or is it just so damn catchy you can't help but sing? or perhaps it's wonderfully composed music that everybody can link to someone? or perhaps it's just yet another one of your attention grabbing techniques?
i guess to those who reads, it's pretty much obvious what's i'm putting across.
once is good, twice is alright. grow up, songs and pictures are just anchors of memories, good or bad.
i have another one. when people emo, why do they listen to emo songs? is it because they can relate to that song? (which mostly probably would say YES!) or is it because you just simply want to amplify that mood you're currently having? (like the same as playing slow melodies to debrief sessions, or nice HTHT [heart-to-heart-talk, quoted from WenTing's blog!])
i think it's the growing up in a widely adverse and enriched media influences that changed or morph us into who we are. in drama series, when the character is sad or feeling lost or even heart broken, sad background music plays. even the environment changed into seemingly impossible in reality.
perhaps i'm just thinking too much luh.
to the special someone, i don't know if you'll read this or not, but think carefully of the weight. like a traditional seesaw, you can only have one up one down: to balance is impossible. you can only choose one, and the other will always need to be compromise. when they say ups and downs in life, they are talking about seesaw. to have fun, you'll always go up and down. right now, i can only share what i went through, but you'll need to create your own history of how you dealt with it. don't be like me, just another bad person.
either way, i suddenly had this concept of life. if you take a good look around you, you'll find hints and clues of life's philosophy. i shall not eleborate anymore le bah.
i think my blog songs are too meaningful! =) [at least most of them ;)]
My Wish
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.
But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this is my wish
i hope you know somebody loves you
may all your dreams stay big
(Repeat)
(Chorus)
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.
But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this is my wish
i hope you know somebody loves you
may all your dreams stay big
(Repeat)
(Chorus)
selfish!
things have blown up full scale, and it's been a hectic week. it's going to be more hectic soon, as pinnacle is coming up, and working right after pinnacle race until 3rd july. suntec, anyone wanna date me eat there or sth? lols
some people are in the same situation as me, and some aren't. some people are just afraid, some people just can't use their courage right.
many interesting things happen which cannot be told.
but some that can be told can't be publicised.
yet if you shall ask, do ask the right questions.
yesterday had movie with some people, ton the night, this morning slept like an hour bit, then started our 10-hour-shift-in-the-excellent-weather-YLC.
my post got changed, from AO to FA. first aider, cool! followed mirza around, and basically nothing to do luh. took many pictures, that's all. he's probably pissed (nahbeh! that bugger took so many nonsense pictures!)
and so 10 hours passed real quick! after is waiting for others to come loft, then we'll run to diary farm and back. distance? dunno how much luh. but today's run wasn't tough, at least i didn't stop for at least 96% of the journey. the only stops i made was at traffic lights, and even there i had to constantly move my feets.
i feel that it's important to keep moving, because otherwise you'll probably feel even more tired. =)
think it's a real good work out. i never challenged my limit like today. now damn tired, but despite these coverage, the underlying news are everywhere!
things are definitely more complicated than it seems, even i can feel the grounds shaking.
the very foundation of bonds might just be the very reason to break away, good or bad, right or wrong, there is no stopping this. hope everything will turn out nicely, and being selfish me, hope at least it'll turn out nicely for my sake. =)
some people are in the same situation as me, and some aren't. some people are just afraid, some people just can't use their courage right.
many interesting things happen which cannot be told.
but some that can be told can't be publicised.
yet if you shall ask, do ask the right questions.
yesterday had movie with some people, ton the night, this morning slept like an hour bit, then started our 10-hour-shift-in-the-excellent-weather-YLC.
my post got changed, from AO to FA. first aider, cool! followed mirza around, and basically nothing to do luh. took many pictures, that's all. he's probably pissed (nahbeh! that bugger took so many nonsense pictures!)
and so 10 hours passed real quick! after is waiting for others to come loft, then we'll run to diary farm and back. distance? dunno how much luh. but today's run wasn't tough, at least i didn't stop for at least 96% of the journey. the only stops i made was at traffic lights, and even there i had to constantly move my feets.
i feel that it's important to keep moving, because otherwise you'll probably feel even more tired. =)
think it's a real good work out. i never challenged my limit like today. now damn tired, but despite these coverage, the underlying news are everywhere!
things are definitely more complicated than it seems, even i can feel the grounds shaking.
the very foundation of bonds might just be the very reason to break away, good or bad, right or wrong, there is no stopping this. hope everything will turn out nicely, and being selfish me, hope at least it'll turn out nicely for my sake. =)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
bumble bee
recently there has been a major change within me! i don't know what's wrong, but just knew something is there. like when the earth trembles, you know something's wrong. but what exactly? it isn't always earthquake, and i'm sure it isn't this time. something is asmiss, i seem to know, i may not. i'm complicatedly simple, eh?
recently been busy.
and i don't think i wanna write about anything more than this today. maybe when i share, maybe. WK!
recently been busy.
and i don't think i wanna write about anything more than this today. maybe when i share, maybe. WK!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Sharing
worked yesterday, and after work went straight to Vivo to meet Ken.
There was an unexpectedly high increase in number of people going for the movie. from around 8 to 14! ALMOST doubled the number. hurhur.
- Ben
- Kai Hoow
- Jewellcy
- Mao Quan
- Jia Xuan
- Zhan Yu
- Cheng Yi
- Wei Kai
- Ken
- Iszwan
- Stacey
- Xue Qi
- Sebby
we watched The Taking of Pelham 123. It was really interesting, my type of movies. a plot and a super plan. But too bad the bad guy didn't win. Kinda expected and discovered the plot half-way luh, so not too bad. If i can guess, means the movie needs more improvement!
movies like these cheat and deceit, disguises and facades, really attracts my attention. like Catch me if you can!
anyways, after movie it was around 11.30pm, some decided they should go home. Supposedly left Jewellcy, Mao Quan, Jia Xuan, Zhan Yu, Cheng Yi, Wei Kai, Stacey.
Stacey kinda wanna go home, so she went home first..
Jewel kinda something wrong luh, didn't really wanna bother myself with that at that point.
Mao Quan seemed K.O from the start, so decided to send MQ and J home luh. besides, J got kayaking next day!
So it was left with JX, ZY, CY, WK, and me. I realized i'm W only, the other 4 got 2 letters =.=
We went to Henderson Waves to chit chat and talk all the way until dawn. it was really interesting, much better and more interesting than truth or dare! it seemed so relax and comfortable with people sharing just about anything! =)
not like truth or dare, being forced to share. and i'm always the idea generator.. =.=
many things unveiled in the few hours, pleasant and unpleasant things. but once dawn hits, everybody kinda became lethargic. WK, ZY, JX went home first. CY kept me accompany until i go work. really thank you!
during work today also very lethargic, because very sleepy. and i really wonder how i passed those hours today man! now my eyes are closed and i'm typing by feel. gosh. peeping the words once in awhile to check on mistakes. *yawn*
Maybe next time we should do that more often. like sharing, instead of truth or dare. i get tired of thinking too much!
There was an unexpectedly high increase in number of people going for the movie. from around 8 to 14! ALMOST doubled the number. hurhur.
- Ben
- Kai Hoow
- Jewellcy
- Mao Quan
- Jia Xuan
- Zhan Yu
- Cheng Yi
- Wei Kai
- Ken
- Iszwan
- Stacey
- Xue Qi
- Sebby
we watched The Taking of Pelham 123. It was really interesting, my type of movies. a plot and a super plan. But too bad the bad guy didn't win. Kinda expected and discovered the plot half-way luh, so not too bad. If i can guess, means the movie needs more improvement!
movies like these cheat and deceit, disguises and facades, really attracts my attention. like Catch me if you can!
anyways, after movie it was around 11.30pm, some decided they should go home. Supposedly left Jewellcy, Mao Quan, Jia Xuan, Zhan Yu, Cheng Yi, Wei Kai, Stacey.
Stacey kinda wanna go home, so she went home first..
Jewel kinda something wrong luh, didn't really wanna bother myself with that at that point.
Mao Quan seemed K.O from the start, so decided to send MQ and J home luh. besides, J got kayaking next day!
So it was left with JX, ZY, CY, WK, and me. I realized i'm W only, the other 4 got 2 letters =.=
We went to Henderson Waves to chit chat and talk all the way until dawn. it was really interesting, much better and more interesting than truth or dare! it seemed so relax and comfortable with people sharing just about anything! =)
not like truth or dare, being forced to share. and i'm always the idea generator.. =.=
many things unveiled in the few hours, pleasant and unpleasant things. but once dawn hits, everybody kinda became lethargic. WK, ZY, JX went home first. CY kept me accompany until i go work. really thank you!
during work today also very lethargic, because very sleepy. and i really wonder how i passed those hours today man! now my eyes are closed and i'm typing by feel. gosh. peeping the words once in awhile to check on mistakes. *yawn*
Maybe next time we should do that more often. like sharing, instead of truth or dare. i get tired of thinking too much!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
eyes closed, heart opened
the previous post is just an imaginary speech, directly to absolutely nobody! believe it or not, it is not a lie to cover my tracks.
certainly weilson will do more than make an open confession right? on his own blog? that's so not my style. i will maybe write on my blog AFTER i officially confessed my feelings to anyone, but certainly not before i even confessed.
doesn't really matter now. people now asked me who? who? who?
so who? =)
anyways, today's race clinic was interesting. not very fun though. maybe the usual crowd was not there, or perhaps it was the amount of people present, or the mixture of humans around.
i woke up at 8.50am btw, to Tai's call. 9am's the meeting time. LOL!
anyways, went down right in a rush. just to finish everything in an hour! omg. supposed they put 9-1, i thought it's going to be long. turned out it's not!
there was asccending, whereby you have two ropes in front of you, and you need to move upwards by methods of kicking, straightening, pushing and relaxing. quite fun once you grasp the technique and concept. it plays around with you being comfortable bah.
after which, the abseil? interesting, i guess everybody knows how it's like.
then is the orienteering. omg. my pacing is off, and my mind so blurr! went wrong spot because of turning the dial to the wrong number. =.= dumbo.
after that, slacked awhile, before deciding to come back home.
i watched a home movie, The Bucket List.
It's an inspiring story! It tells of what is life before death? in the story, two guy is dying because of cancer. one super rich guy (cole), and another who has a good life of an average joe (carter). they lie side by side in the hospital, and it was all until cole stumbled upon this "bucket list" by carter. it's a list of things you wanna do before you die, so carter was just scribbling. cole thought it'd be cool to fulfil his wishes, and just do things together since it's boring to lie in the hospital waiting for cancer to be cured. they set out on a wonderful journey, doing crazy things from sky diving, to driving a race car, to big pyramids, and even mount everest.
many things happened between them, and things got heated and sours with cole leaving carter. cole regretted, until he recieved a call from carter's wife that carter's in hospital, and dying.
operation wasn't successful, and carter passed on. cole then realized he had a wonderful journey, much better than his whole life within the span of few weeks with carter travelling and doing the bucket list.
i think that it's a wonderful movie to watch, and certainly sets my mind into it's own world of thoughts. i start to think of what i really want to do before i regret not doing.
yesterday i wrote about confessing love, things and such. if we are able to open our mouths to tell our lover that we love them, why not our parents? they are not going to be here forever, at least not going to be here for longer than your lover!
they are noble people who bore you into this world, and i think they deserve credit for that! raising you up, teaching you morales, values, dos and donts, doing everything they possibly can to provide you with a wonderful life, even at the expense of theirs..
parents are noble, if there were kings and queens in this era, my parents would be more important that kings and queens.
but then again, there comes this very funny obstruction. it's a mental block to say "i love you, mom, dad" to your parents aye? at least to me, yes. i'm a freaking emcee, been to so many presentations, so many stages, so many sets, and i can't tell my parents this simple 3 word.
i shall tell them on saturday, Father's Day. everybody, don't forget uh! get something special, for they are noble and always there for you. before they are gone, make them feel warm and hearted.
in the movie, i learnt something. nobody wants to die lonely. everybody would love to die surrounded by friends and family. and i shall die with my eyes closed, and my heart open.
do things now, before you regret not doing.
certainly weilson will do more than make an open confession right? on his own blog? that's so not my style. i will maybe write on my blog AFTER i officially confessed my feelings to anyone, but certainly not before i even confessed.
doesn't really matter now. people now asked me who? who? who?
so who? =)
anyways, today's race clinic was interesting. not very fun though. maybe the usual crowd was not there, or perhaps it was the amount of people present, or the mixture of humans around.
i woke up at 8.50am btw, to Tai's call. 9am's the meeting time. LOL!
anyways, went down right in a rush. just to finish everything in an hour! omg. supposed they put 9-1, i thought it's going to be long. turned out it's not!
there was asccending, whereby you have two ropes in front of you, and you need to move upwards by methods of kicking, straightening, pushing and relaxing. quite fun once you grasp the technique and concept. it plays around with you being comfortable bah.
after which, the abseil? interesting, i guess everybody knows how it's like.
then is the orienteering. omg. my pacing is off, and my mind so blurr! went wrong spot because of turning the dial to the wrong number. =.= dumbo.
after that, slacked awhile, before deciding to come back home.
i watched a home movie, The Bucket List.
It's an inspiring story! It tells of what is life before death? in the story, two guy is dying because of cancer. one super rich guy (cole), and another who has a good life of an average joe (carter). they lie side by side in the hospital, and it was all until cole stumbled upon this "bucket list" by carter. it's a list of things you wanna do before you die, so carter was just scribbling. cole thought it'd be cool to fulfil his wishes, and just do things together since it's boring to lie in the hospital waiting for cancer to be cured. they set out on a wonderful journey, doing crazy things from sky diving, to driving a race car, to big pyramids, and even mount everest.
many things happened between them, and things got heated and sours with cole leaving carter. cole regretted, until he recieved a call from carter's wife that carter's in hospital, and dying.
operation wasn't successful, and carter passed on. cole then realized he had a wonderful journey, much better than his whole life within the span of few weeks with carter travelling and doing the bucket list.
i think that it's a wonderful movie to watch, and certainly sets my mind into it's own world of thoughts. i start to think of what i really want to do before i regret not doing.
yesterday i wrote about confessing love, things and such. if we are able to open our mouths to tell our lover that we love them, why not our parents? they are not going to be here forever, at least not going to be here for longer than your lover!
they are noble people who bore you into this world, and i think they deserve credit for that! raising you up, teaching you morales, values, dos and donts, doing everything they possibly can to provide you with a wonderful life, even at the expense of theirs..
parents are noble, if there were kings and queens in this era, my parents would be more important that kings and queens.
but then again, there comes this very funny obstruction. it's a mental block to say "i love you, mom, dad" to your parents aye? at least to me, yes. i'm a freaking emcee, been to so many presentations, so many stages, so many sets, and i can't tell my parents this simple 3 word.
i shall tell them on saturday, Father's Day. everybody, don't forget uh! get something special, for they are noble and always there for you. before they are gone, make them feel warm and hearted.
in the movie, i learnt something. nobody wants to die lonely. everybody would love to die surrounded by friends and family. and i shall die with my eyes closed, and my heart open.
do things now, before you regret not doing.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Lost yet?
One will never lose by giving but,
one will always lose by holding back.
stumbled upon this while searching for something.
before i start on that, today i wanted to wake at 8 to study for BTT. but in the end, due to my laziness, i woke at 12pm instead. my test starts 12.50pm. guess you all can imagine what happened luh. argh.
another thing, wanted to go watch movie de. and in the end? had to stay home! omg. doesn't matter. friday going to watch for sure. i confirm chop plus stamp must watch! Hannah Montana!
Tomorrow going for pinnacle race clinic. Hope it'll be enjoyable =)
and so, one will never lose by giving but, one will always lose by holding back. i don't really understand what this means, but it certainly hit a bell near the back of my head. did i mention i hate people who hit my head? push can, but don't hit. there is a difference. okay that was random.
anyways, what does it mean?
one will never lose by giving, but one will always lose by holding back.
when you are in love with someone, you will always want to give. to give all you can to the person you love, you'll feel happy. you don't mind giving yourself to that person if that person can accept you. but if you love someone, and you don't even show, you hold back. that's where you will lose. hold back your words, hold back your emotions, hold back everything. that person will probably never ever find out.
it doesn't matter if you confess, and that person rejected you. it only meant you have admirable courage to admit.
how i wish i have the courage to tell the person i like,
"I LIKE YOU! I don't care if you are going to reject me, but i think you should know. I didn't start having the crush on you since the start, but after i began to explore your personality. Your character buffles me, but that's where you attract me too. I like you, and all the little things that you do."
Everytime I try to pull a facade off, two more replaces it. I read about it in a book once, "..when threatened, the animalistic defense mechanism immediately activates. It doesn't matter how, because it hits without you knowing.."
What is threatening me? I am a man with many faces. stay away from me, or pull it off please. It is suffocating. It doesn't feel that way often, but when I'm alone, I'll think about it. And it's painful. Hopeless, that what I feel. That's how I am feeling.
Monday, June 15, 2009
to put it all behind
perhaps i am like a very bad guy, probably not the worst, but still bad. or maybe there is no perhaps, i am a very bad guy. doesn't matter, because i just learnt something in my own unique way.
i learnt not to care what others are perceiving me as. i don't care if you think i'm the worst friend on earth, or the worst boyfriend ever, or the lousiest character and personality around, i have learnt not to care anymore.
there, i ranted. and previously vented.
yesterday had BBQ at pasir ris park there, pit 4.
day before, had a night out watching movie and tonning until early morning, then go home sleep awhile, before waking up just 3 hours later to go help MQ buy things at sheng siong. after we bought the items, we wait for J and JX to come. and also MQ's dad to send us there. was a little bit funny luh, but thought a lot recently. until my brain gave way!
but not important here. we reached the pit 4 at 4pm. we actually walked the wrong direction because the map gave the wrong orientation! argh. carried so many heavy stuff, walking up and down the park.
then people started streaming in at around 5, then 6, then more and more. i didn't cook, don't really know how to cook anyways. so my job was to just eat! the BBQ wasn't very high though, but can be said to be a good gathering bah.
during the BBQ didn't really feel much happenings, like play games and all. everybody was pretty much in their own cliques. wasn't very bonded. but what i liked was the after part, when the people are lesser, then i finally felt bonded luh. with the truth games, dare games, it was funny.
people should know more about each other before we can call each other friends, right?
as for why i said didn't really feel bonded during the BBQ was because time passes really slow, like i looked at my watch, 11pm. look again so much later, 11.20pm. omg! then when the pit fire was dying, 1pm. and when i went toilet, played, talked a bit, then cleaned up, 1.30pm. omg!
bonding sessions is enjoyable, allows much insight into each other, especially those who you want to keep close to you. and now i can see, i have been making so much hi-bye friends in poly, i forgot to keep those that i really want to see them again close.
i shall not make any more mistakes in army, and uni.
something someone said really hurts, but i wouldn't say i disagree. yet i know deep down, i know that i really don't mean what i said. and not long after, i realized i was pulling a tough front for a long long time. i could break down any moment there, but i didn't. i couldn't pull that tough front away, and i couldn't bring myself to explain my reasons. for that moment, i felt like, "who would care what you think anyway?"
in the movies, when the lead character pushes all his friends away, we watched on, touched because the motives of pushing his friends away is logically heartfelt, and we cursed when his friends hurt the lead character just because his friends didn't understand or couldn't see the good intentions.
just because we couldn't see the good intentions, we take all actions as evil.
a part of me wanted it to be made known, but another larger side is surpressing it because i thought nobody would really care, and it wouldn't make any difference.
i think i just want to say, i lost yet another one, let's see when shall the console give way. the last piece of you on me.
monday friday saturday sunday there's work, but i need to check again.
tuesday there's basic theory test, i hate theory.
wednesday there's pinnacle race clinic.
thursday there's train the trainers session.
i wonder, what do i really want? when will i ever see myself again?
i play truth or dare very honestly, question and i'll answer. when will anyone see and understand the true me? am i too complicated for even myself to understand? the predictably unpredictable?
i learnt not to care what others are perceiving me as. i don't care if you think i'm the worst friend on earth, or the worst boyfriend ever, or the lousiest character and personality around, i have learnt not to care anymore.
there, i ranted. and previously vented.
yesterday had BBQ at pasir ris park there, pit 4.
day before, had a night out watching movie and tonning until early morning, then go home sleep awhile, before waking up just 3 hours later to go help MQ buy things at sheng siong. after we bought the items, we wait for J and JX to come. and also MQ's dad to send us there. was a little bit funny luh, but thought a lot recently. until my brain gave way!
but not important here. we reached the pit 4 at 4pm. we actually walked the wrong direction because the map gave the wrong orientation! argh. carried so many heavy stuff, walking up and down the park.
then people started streaming in at around 5, then 6, then more and more. i didn't cook, don't really know how to cook anyways. so my job was to just eat! the BBQ wasn't very high though, but can be said to be a good gathering bah.
during the BBQ didn't really feel much happenings, like play games and all. everybody was pretty much in their own cliques. wasn't very bonded. but what i liked was the after part, when the people are lesser, then i finally felt bonded luh. with the truth games, dare games, it was funny.
people should know more about each other before we can call each other friends, right?
as for why i said didn't really feel bonded during the BBQ was because time passes really slow, like i looked at my watch, 11pm. look again so much later, 11.20pm. omg! then when the pit fire was dying, 1pm. and when i went toilet, played, talked a bit, then cleaned up, 1.30pm. omg!
bonding sessions is enjoyable, allows much insight into each other, especially those who you want to keep close to you. and now i can see, i have been making so much hi-bye friends in poly, i forgot to keep those that i really want to see them again close.
i shall not make any more mistakes in army, and uni.
something someone said really hurts, but i wouldn't say i disagree. yet i know deep down, i know that i really don't mean what i said. and not long after, i realized i was pulling a tough front for a long long time. i could break down any moment there, but i didn't. i couldn't pull that tough front away, and i couldn't bring myself to explain my reasons. for that moment, i felt like, "who would care what you think anyway?"
in the movies, when the lead character pushes all his friends away, we watched on, touched because the motives of pushing his friends away is logically heartfelt, and we cursed when his friends hurt the lead character just because his friends didn't understand or couldn't see the good intentions.
just because we couldn't see the good intentions, we take all actions as evil.
a part of me wanted it to be made known, but another larger side is surpressing it because i thought nobody would really care, and it wouldn't make any difference.
i think i just want to say, i lost yet another one, let's see when shall the console give way. the last piece of you on me.
monday friday saturday sunday there's work, but i need to check again.
tuesday there's basic theory test, i hate theory.
wednesday there's pinnacle race clinic.
thursday there's train the trainers session.
i wonder, what do i really want? when will i ever see myself again?
i play truth or dare very honestly, question and i'll answer. when will anyone see and understand the true me? am i too complicated for even myself to understand? the predictably unpredictable?
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