Measure your Life in Love

I have exactly 15 days before enlistment. I seriously can't wait, reasons after another, I'm not sad nor afraid. I'm in fact very excited to go in, experience the other life I've heard for over 4 years. In 15 days, I will begin another life in there. Will I get a new meaning to my life before that?

I just watched '1 litre of tears' movie. It's touching yes, but the idea of simplicity is so hard to achieve if we don't even work hard for it. We take things for granted, and the meaning of living to us is?

There's a question raised during the movie, she asked the doctor "Will I be able to get married?"

I think I know the answer, but will I ever understand that pain and longing to be loved? Family love is one thing, Friends love is another. What she felt is true, but she'll never get to experience that other side of love.

It's ironic when yesterday I was just thinking of weird weird things like coma and being disabled for a period of your life. This girl was disabled for the rest of her life, slowly getting worse each day.

I doubt I'll even be as strong as her, or even a quarter of strength that she has. So how do you measure your life? She measured it with her experiences, that she struggled to live on and feed on memories and experiences that we take for granted - walking, writing, speaking, studying, and even working.

I have close friends who tells me things like, 'if I were to get disabled or something, I'd rather die.' Reason? 'I don't want to be a burden to others.' Or is it so? The courage to face the reality is really that hard?

I will learn to appreciate everything I have, and everyone I have now. Life is not only measured in how much love you recieve, but also how much love you give.

Innocent Steps

I think the movie is underrated! I just watched it, and it's so nice and heart warming. Much better than UP anyways! >,< Or maybe it's just my thing for liking this kind of films. HAHA. I'M NOT A NORMAL GUY. Now don't think otherwise. Hurhur.

A Short MV from the movie

I especially like the part where the girl talks about the firefly in love theory! =) It's so cute and interesting.

But here's the bad part, everything in the movie is so dreamy and sweet, it'll probably never happen in real life luh. =/

So, EMO!

The Plan

Tomorrow is bound to be interesting. 3 program. Weird, but yes.

I'm gonna head out early 930am for tanning session with KZY, till around noon lunched, and around late noon go home, change, prepare to go out for dinner.

Dinner with Sisters, location TBA, time 6pm. Hopefully it'll end around 8, then I'll make my way down to catch a movie with the gang.

Movie will be 'The Proposal', 9.30pm at Marina Square. Events after that, TBA.

Anyways, someone said something pretty interesting which I last time used to take as my concept for quite some time le. Until now that this person suddenly mention it again, it's become refreshing for me - "Movies like The Proposal I think watch with the person you love will have more meaning."

True aye? But oh well.. The more I think, the sadder I'll get. The more I try to catch that bubble in the air, the faster it'll fly away and burst.

Maybe sometimes, most of us are just afraid to touch that bubble, because we're afraid of it bursting. When it does, the show is over. If it doesn't burst, congratulations! Will mine burst? Hurhur. Should I just watch or try to catch that bubble?

This has been raised to me very ocassionally and pretty much been setting me to think. Sometimes I think only older girls understands me and choose to be with me, simply because they are mature enough to understand me, and I understand them as well? Am I really mature or not?

Do I deserve anyone at all?

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

I stumbled upon something really interesting!

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio :

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer
rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Half-half

I think today I shall do something really random bah. I'm gonna take out a phrase and elaborate!

Daughtry - No Surprise
(p.s. It's on my playlist, the chorus part)

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say

Confession. The person could be trying to confess a long and hidden crush, that "it came out like river once I let it out" shows that the confession is a really long piece. The person might also be really shy and does not know how to say it out, after all, it's a deep and possibly strong emotion towards the other person.

"Held onto it forever, just pushing it down" suggests the duration of the entire period of crushing and hiding of his emotions towards the other person. And ultimately he reveals everything very straightforward-ly and he felt that the most direct and straightforward approach is most appraisable as he felt he "shouldn't have to give a reason why".

However, the sad fact of this confession is that the person possibly felt that the other couldn't 'return the emotions', so it wouldn't be a surprise that after the confession, he will leave forever. Even though he knew the confession will end up being possibly apart and away from the person he carries the emotions for, he is indeed surprised at his patience of being able to stay until 'today', and then finally giving his confession. The last two sentence suggest his confessions have been ultimate and thorough, leaving nothing behind, and hinting there'll be no more regrets and he have said everything.

---

OKAY THAT WAS A REALLY BAD ATTEMPT AT LITERATURE! omg.

But think, how did I come up with all that?

There has got to be a war within the confines of my head;

Today's post shall be different. If not, same old way. There are many hidden meanings within, shall there be a hint or tint of fact you see, it might or perhaps be cemented. Speak no words to others, for there's only you I trust to do.

*insert your ideal poetic title here*

a new race has came through with curious visitors approaching
each asking another 'who's the leader?'
with yet another astonishing sight
it was distinguishable

it seeked a new planet
for its previous has already been long overdue
being flocked and welcomed
the peasants grew curious as well

many has talked and shot
till the fear struck by the cold warm facade
shall a new knight rise
to the fighting it might

for now the challenge grew with nature's twist of fate
another has came in timely arrival
to defeat yet another is in honor ease
but shall he be challenged to accomplish otherwise?

JJ - Down

I suddenly feel really down now. I think it's time I jump start some action in my life? Hurhur.

Short post aye? And it's raining now. =)

Like the rain.

Love Love Stories

I love reading love stories. Perhaps I secretly wallow in self pity or sank in depression for God knows how or maybe I just am in despair somehow. Love stories always are able to give the sense of hope, light, and future thoughts. I know many would think that it's fictional, it's not true, and it'll never happen in real life. But what if all that we've lived is just another story tale in another world?

I wouldn't want to miss a thing in my life, and reading stories just fills my life with hope of what many believed will unlikely exist.

Stories like this makes you want to experience love the way they did. It makes your heart wrench and twist as if on its own understanding of love's miseries and rich emotions. Stories like this makes me want to love whole heartedly now, and the desire to seek out someone to spend the rest of my life with.

Anyways, I'm back to share with you guys a few more phrases that I found really nice and brain triguing.

"That staring at the stars was like staring backwards in time, since some stars are so far away that their light takes millions of years just to reach us. That we see stars not as they look now, but as they were when dinosaurs roamed the earth."

"That had been one of the downfalls of his past relationships. Even in the early stages, they had always been one-sided. Usually he'd ended up making most of the decisions about what to do or where to eat or whose house to go to or what movie to see. That part didn't bother him; what bothered him was that over time, the one-sidedness began to define everything about the relationships, which inevitably left him feeling as if he were dating an employee instead of a partner. Frankly, it bored him."

"If you've been divorced once, you might be right in thinking your ex was the problem. If you've been divorced three times? Well, folks, the problem is most definitely you."

"He took a seat and waited. And waited. And waited. He felt ridiculous, as if she were treating him like a child. He could hear her speaking in hushed tones and had no idea whom she was talking to, and he contemplated getting up and walking out the door. Still, he remained on the couch, wondering why she seemed to have such a hold over him."

"There's no such thing as being friends. Not with single men and women with our age. It just doesn't work like that, unless you're talking about someone you've known for a long long time. Certainly not when it comes to strangers."

"Finding a woman with a sense of humour had been the one piece of advice his father had given him when he'd first begun to get serious about dating, and he finally understood why his dad had considered it important. If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could be replayed over and over without getting stale."

Read and think through, might be useful. Food for thought, it certainly has fed me well. =)

Today I finally went to buy my notebook! What I do with it, only some people might know bah? But it's nothing much luh. hurhur. Ask me if you want ^^ But it costs $26! T.T

Oh yeah, backtrack to yesterday. It was really cool, after work went CCK to visit KaiHoow with the intention to go home afterwards, which also ended in another overnight, but with a meaning. We studied! At the CCK Mac, because my transport gone le.

But I was thankful for the time there, made me felt alive again when I get the time to slow down and read at my own pace, and also especially the part being challenged to STUDY HLM!

Yet somehow, I felt I didn't really belonged.

Nervous and Afraid

I guess I understand why people would want to find a confide or at least someone really close to hold on to when they are pushed to the edge. I kind of am getting that feeling am I not?

I'm not sure either.

But the feeling of the NS date creeping slowly and seconds ticked for me is so exciting yet frightening. All at the same time, how is it? My limitations of manipulation of the english language puts me at a loss of words state to describe the confused emotions stirring within. Wah...

It's nice to have someone to hold on to at situations like these. Hmmmm...especially when I've counted less than a month to do something with.

The story that I'm reading has a part which I'd like to share with everybody reading this.

But I'm different now than I was then. Just like I was different at the end of the trip than I'd been at the beginning. And I'll be different tomorrow than I am today. And what that means is that I can never replicate that trip. Even if I went to the same places and met the same people, it wouldn't be the same. My experience wouldn't be the same. To me, that's what travelling should be about. Meeting people, learning to not only appreciate a different culture, but really enjoy it like a local, following whatever impulse strikes you. So how could I recommend a trip to someone else, if I don't even know what to expect? My advice would be to make a list of places on some index cards, shuffle them, and pick any five at random. Then just...go and see what happens. If you have to right mind-set, it doesn't matter where you end up or how much money you brought. It'll be something you'll remember forever.

I'd do that with my loved ones in future. =) I think that's romantic!

I Am A man

Something I think I've heard many times before le. Questions rose and mind starts to wonder. Seriously, sometimes when you think you know someone too well, there are more instances you're wrong. Whatever it may be, questions are too cool to be left unanswered. As a pre-enlistee, I shall answer!

Qn: Eh, my friends tell me that usually people before going into NS would want to find a GF eh. Think?

I believed I've made myself very clear at a certain point of time of my intentions of wanting to keep this status. I remembered very clearly I said that I wouldn't want to get a gf, and she'll have to wait for me, weekdays gone.

Now I really felt the pressure of this question imposed on me once again. I wanted to be saint, I tried to be saint, but now my conscience is telling me otherwise. That I am not saint, that I'm just a man with basic instinct, a human with basic desire. So how?

I can only say now, that wanting and getting is different thing. It's not just you want and you'll get, and making the effort to earn it is not as simple too. Just like earning respect, it's a free-form style of earning. There are just no fixed ways to earn respect. It depends who you're earning from, and how you're earning it. From the method you used, to even your face you potray.

That's life, the slightest difference will set everybody apart. Just like the recently watched butterfly effect.

Amazing!

I just done some random thing on the net. I tried to look into the past of people's life, not just friends, but other people as well. strangers too!

Well thank to the much time I have now, and I stumbled upon something really interesting! I won't tell what that is tho.

I just know, now I have a different sight on this person. I knew before, but not so much before! Glad I had today =)

Empty

An empty night like these, it's time to blog. I must be crazy to be blogging at this hour! Oh well. Just woke up, drank water, going to sleep in a few minutes' time. Had possibly nothing on tomorrow, depending on MQ! Nothing on sunday either!

Which means for later, and sunday, I'm finally getting a rest!

Next week is study week, and I really feel a lil' weird listening and watching the others having study moods, play moods, and some with a lil' stress waiting for exam day to arrive.

It's the first time I really see and felt nostalgic about it. I miss exams man!

Talked to PKK earlier, he's in NTU. From his point of view, university is probably how everyone described - SSS(self-study school). 1st week just passed for them, but he don't know if he can still cope with it. Hahahahas. Now I'm afraid of university. If he can't, will I? I used to depend on him for exams and tests. In the future after NS, I probably have to depend on myself! Shit.

Like I'm not independent aye? Hahahahas. Probably. I'm not sure myself. I'm not sure of many things as well! Hohoho. Sometimes, there are things you'll never know if you don't find out. But there are things you're afraid to know the answer to, because it'll either bring you to heaven or hell. So what to do? Wait until the fog is over and mists are cleared. I am afraid.

Whenever they said MahJong, something else came into my mind other than the game itself. People who know me well, might understand what I'm refering to. There were clear signs then, and I still regretted the decision I've made then, to end it. But to live in a life of regrets would be to throw away my life. I have to constantly tell myself to carry on, and who knows what might happen? Perhaps a more interesting surprise along my life will happen =)

I'm feeling really empty. Waking up to a brand new day of the not knowing..

Songs in my Heart

Having a really bad flu, so a couple of soothing songs. =) I shall blog tomorrow or sometime when I'm free =) These two songs really describes how I'm feeling right now. Buy, what if I never lived to tell the story tomorrow?

Trading Yesterday - Shattered

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide beyond believing
To know why hope dies

Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
The silence of this sound is soon to follow
Somehow sundown

And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home
passing the graves of the unknown

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
Love gone for so long

This day's ending
Is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all I hold

And I've lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Life
Less words
Carry on

But I know
All I know
Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

Theres a light
Theres the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer

And Ive lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Life
Less words
Carry on

But i know
All i know
Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

Theres a light
Theres the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer all
Yes his love will conquer all

Yesterday I died, tommorrows bleeding
Fall into your sunlight

Bryan Adams - Never Let Go

Can you lay your life down, so a stranger can live?
Can you take what you need, but take less than you give?
Could you close every day, without the glory and fame?
Could you hold your head high, when no one knows your name?

That's how legends are made,
at least that's what they say.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, cause you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down, and never let go.

Can you lose everything, you ever had planned?
Can you sit down again, and play another hand?
Could you risk everything, for the chance of being alone?
Under pressure find the grace, or would you come undone?

That's how legends are made,
at least that's what they say.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, cause you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down, and never let go.

Never let go, Never let go, Never let go

Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down, and never let go.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, 'but you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

Will never look back, never look down, and never let go.

Never let go, Never let go, Never let go

Something nice

I wanna do something nice this year. At least it's something I've never done in my entire life! Or at least up till now? Don't be surprised if I asked you anything. =)

I'm also going to keep a list of friends by me. I'm going to write a list of friends who'll always be remembered. And I'm going to keep them by my side, almost everywhere I go. Or until I can find something to keep all of them inside and literally bring them everywhere!

I suddenly have the thought that if I'm dead, I'd want to keep this list of friends by my side. At least at the other side, I might have a list to remind me of my friends when I was alive.

Lastly, if you think that I am thinking too much, being pessimistic, etc., you are wrong. I'm feeling really neutral right now. I'm not thinking of dying, I'm just thinking what if I die. Yea, many 'what ifs' I tio 4D le.

I'm just trying to be more mature? Don't come to me in an ammature manner and discuss this with me! I'll condemn you and strike out your name! Ha!

My style of heart to heart talks don't only consist of love topics. It's actually a wide range of life topics. Miss those sessions, could have made much better use.

To discuss about life is to plan about the future. I like to plan, about the future. =) That's why I think too much and too far! I dream very far too. Hurhur!

**Another thing. Friendship VS Relationship. I just saw it on JiaXuan's blog, and it's ultra familar. I believe many have heard it before too? Maybe?

I'm gonna replace Friendship with F, and Relationship with R. IMO, F is undeniable much more lasting than R. But don't you agree too that R is also much more stronger than F? In F, what we depend on are friends. Pretty much based on trust and communication etc. In R, we depend on much more such as faith and loyalty etc.

I will try to put it in an analogy, if every quality - trust, communication, faith, loyalty - we represent them with a string. We then attach the strings, to every single person that matters.

You will notice something. In F, we attach a few strings to each friend, it will look like a web. But in R, we attach many strings to a single person, it looks like a rope.

Lasting? Because in a web, friendship will never break completely. But it's the rope that everybody is looking for, and that only exists in relationship.

Are you truly sastified with having many strings? Or would you really want a rope to hold on to?

There are moments in your life where scenarios will happen and you will start to think like this. But it's the truth that really matters. That truth in your heart.

Is is you don't trust yourself to hold tightly onto that rope, or the other person you don't trust to hold on as tightly as yourself?

Everybody's changing

Title. It seems like a circle, or will we break free? I'm tired. I don't want to carry on anymore. Yet an unbelievable force is pushing me onward. Why? *think*

Heart over Mind VS Mind over Heart
Depending on scenarios, it's probably and usually mind over heart. When we are out of our comfort zone, we would probably be mind over heart. When we are within our comfort areas, we will be heart over mind. Worth a thought, why not? *think*

National Day is coming, what's special this year? The heart shaped fireworks. I wonder if it's really that beautiful. Why is that shape called the Heart shape? Our heart doesn't even look like that! It's just a lump of flesh clump together. Why two curves that joins and points downwards called heart? *think*

I'm a tad disappointed the way things turned out. I thought it'd be a truly different year. At least for my division I can truly see life. Other than that, nothing seems to have changed. Yet a mentos can cause a huge reaction in a huge bottle of coke, but it certainly will wear out soon. And it seems to have. We had the reaction, but no capable catalyst was able to maintain it or truly change the entire content.

The gases have escaped, the drink has changed. Has it become worst? Or was it just a moment of beautiful waterworks? You decide. If you know what I'm talking about. You're not stupid. *think*

There are certain people who have entered my life this year, and certain who have left. Some were by fate, some by destiny. And they say destiny is in your hands to make or break. *think*

I'm truly glad to have really meet all those who have entered my life this year. But I wonder what happened to everyone? It is really fascinating how time flew by, scattering it's powder of change and fadeness.

Feelings revealed, souls excited;
Forcefully pushed, endearing enclosure.
Future of the History is within, shining its light upon;
Relived, Dead.

*think*

SelfDContent

Here's a thing I find I like to do. When nobody moves, or everybody's moving too slowly, I tend to move off first and quickly. Coupled with recently new discovery of the song, I think that it's time for some reflection.

Frankly speaking, the song seems to invoke different emotions within oneself, at different times, at different situations, under different circumstances.

MQ says that it has a very dark atmosphere surrounding it, the feeling of loneliness and fear overwhelms him.

KK says that it sounds like a very daily life. From work, to lunch, back to work, then to debrief which ends the day.

Grace says it's like a ballet dance, very beautiful and quite nice.

A clear overview of this is very simple. Each seems to be listening of this song, and were reminded of their own life, or at least the emotions and circumstances they are going through.

To me? This song seems to have many effects on me. It brings out a very powerful side of me. Listening to it makes me feel very powerful, in control, yet at times weak and emotional. There are certain instances where I felt like there's no dance I can't dance to, while there are times where I felt really angry yet aggressively in control. It's a very beautiful piece for me.

Been listening to this song non-stop for days now. Since the discovery of this song for me, it's been only this song.

Till the instance of yesternight where I had a really really weird dream. Don't really want to post it up here, because it's indescribable. Much better on air than black and white.

Thinking thinking thinking, NS is soon for me. Standard Charter Run is my goal, to complete and reach the finishing point. It doesn't matter what place or position, it matter how much I can do it. My opponent is myself, will I beat myself?

Recently I find that I can't stand forcefully lame answers. Once is okay, twice is fine. Thrice I swallow, fourth is pushing it. Fifth you should see, sixth you're either too dumb to see or just don't have a sense of self control. Seventh is when I turn my head and walk away. Don't read and think that I'm saying you, but it may be, it may not. Don't ask me because I won't spill. Either way, whoever you are, spare a thought because your actions proceed.

Always stand in the shoes of others before you carry out. Never do what to others you would not to yourself. Never unto others what you wouldn't unto yourself.

I'm normally not so fierce in my posts, but right now I am. Is that a change in me? Am I becoming more serious about my thoughts and feelings? Or is it just another passing craze? Or perhaps just another moment of brillance as michelle seek?

what am I thinking? What do I want? Will I get what I want? Will my confidence once again fail me? Will I capture it? Will I fight it? Will I stand strongly against all odds? Will it be alright? Will it remain? Will it change? Will I be affected if I'm overcomed? Will I ever know the answer to my question? Will I ever find the right one? Will I ever be free?